After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
