I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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