Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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