I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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