i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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