Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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