he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
