considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
