drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
