when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize