I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
