She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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