I wish my penis had an off switch
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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