The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bring me that man meat
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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