Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
