I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
