the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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