i can't believe i had my finger in that
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
