so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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