playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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