Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
