Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
