The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
