I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
