I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
