Pants 0. Shit 1.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
