I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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