My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
