The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
