even my farts smell like vagina
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
