my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
