I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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