hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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