Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
