then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
