Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
