I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
