She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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