I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
