i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
