You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
