eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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