There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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