There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
