I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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