hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
