matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
