I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
