I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize