I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
