i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
