I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
