You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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