Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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