dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
