i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
