Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
