mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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