rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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