i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Green mimosas i think yes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
