He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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