I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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