fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
