I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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