The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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