drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My bed smells like the plague
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
