My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
